Short tale CV of an environmental physicist

Inspired by a blog from John Stevenson, a British Volcanologist, that wrote about his experience in academia and how he left it a bit frustrated, I want to share my experience. It is a good time to do this now as I have made a big decision. After 14 years of life as an ex-pat in various countries, I have decided to return to my home country Germany. I have already done the step out of academia over three years ago and this little text hopefully helps one or two people seeking orientation, perhaps give them some inspiration and help them realize the possibilities out there.

First of all, I do not share the view of many, especially Anglo-Saxons, to dramatize the difference between industry and academia so much. At the end of the day (and at the end of our life) both are just a job! Especially in applied sciences, people often do very similar things in academia and industry. An example is the many meteorologists, geologists or geophysicists working for energy- , mining- or environmental service companies.

Here is my story. I was socialized in a world before the internet and without role models who even went to university or any other job advice. I could only follow my instincts. Growing up in a rural setting, as a child I was fascinated by the nature around me. Geography was one of my favorites in high school. Watching a video in a geography lesson in 1994 (or 95?) about the horrible results of climate change in a few decades really impressed me to this date. I dug dinosaurs, probably like many kids in that age and time. These dino magazines introduced me to geology and I was also fascinated by earthquakes and hurricanes. Moreover, I spent a lot of time building worlds out of Lego, later did ham radio, and was fascinated by electronics because you can create things that do something, like building little electric cars that would follow a light beam.

I was not sure what exactly I should do. I considered becoming a carpenter. My father told me off and told me to go to university. But no one could lead me in what I should study. A career quiz in the local newspaper suggested I should study chemistry or with media technology. I decided to study physics because I thought I could do anything with this and can specialize later. In Germany, after 2 years of basic study, you chose a minor subject. I chose Earth science. To me, studying physics was hard and as a physicist, you are at the „top of the food chain“, so I stuck to it. I did not want to lower myself and become a geophysicist too early or worse, a geologist (as I thought back then, not anymore).

After my Diplom (now called Master) in experimental physics, I worked with lidar and lasers doing cool experiments in atmospheric optics. Back then, I found the research pointless. We had a mobile laser lab in our group and I was imagining if we could use it to measure volcanic plumes. After watching the movie „There will be blood“ in 2007, I decided to do a Ph.D. in Earth Science. But it had to be something useful. Fighting climate change for example. I was also open to adventure. So I left Germany in 2008 and started a doctorate at IPGP Paris. My topic of choice: CO2 sequestration. The initial subject I chose was actually in a geochemistry group. Of course, I had no idea what geochemistry was. After a few weeks of struggle, my Ph.D. advisor and I split and I commenced another Ph.D. in the same project, but in a different group at the institute. From then on I worked on seismic full-waveform inversion of a CO2 storage reservoir beneath the North Sea. It was hard, purely data analysis and assimilation, but thankfully I went on many seminars and field trips where I met a bunch of great people. In 2012 I left Paris for a post-doc at the National Institute for Geophysics and Volcanology (INGV) in Pisa, Italy to develop lidars to measure and study volcanic degassing processes. I chose this because, after my Ph.D., I was tired of staring at a computer screen all day long. After all, I was an experimental physicist. The fieldwork also interested me and would be a welcome change from the dark optics lab. I thought that I was finally in my element. It was an exciting mix of fieldwork and cool technology.

By 2015, still in Pisa, I was married. My wife and I decided to move to the UK, following the move of the group from Pisa to Manchester to form a volcanology group there. As in Pisa, at the University of Manchester, I felt like an outsider, a „Freigeist“, because the work and research I pursued did not fit in a classical discipline. I was a laser physicist with a Ph.D. in geophysics working in a geology department, developing lidar systems used to measure volcanic gases – Volcano remote sensing. I was surrounded by people most of which had little to no interest in laser remote sensing obviously. This was ok, but I did not like working for myself and, although in a group, by myself effectively. I was very good at writing papers, but not so efficient in initiating collaborations with scientists from other institutions, although I would consider myself a social person and did actively reach out. Arguably, as a post-doc without own grant income, one is not really free to choose with whom to collaborate and has no power over funds. This limited my possibilities and meant fewer collaborations and hence fewer possibilities to get my name on papers. This matters a lot when you apply for a grant, which will finally give you the freedom and funding to collaborate with whom you want and work on what you want. I developed complex instruments from scratch and used them in field measurements and still managed to chuck out papers as first author and I wrote good proposals with very good ideas. They were not excellent enough in all points though. I was fighting a losing battle. I lacked the leverage effect of a high-profile collaboration and research project and the associated high-profile papers in Nature, PNAS, etc. Hence, I could not deliver convincing cases. Even though I demonstrated huge potential. But I wasn’t lucky. I definitively had resilience. During six years, I applied for about 13 UK, EU, German, and French research fellowships, including VW Freigeist, NERC Independent Fellowships (2x), Emmy Noether, and two CRNS. I was invited to interviews for three of them (VW Freigeist, NERC, and CNRS), but it was not enough to get the grant. The reason for the Freigeist was basically that this topic was too ambitious for one person and hence I could not make a convincing case. It lacked a thorough reality check because I did it on my own mainly and it was way out of my competence zone. For the NERC Independent Fellowship, I had done everything right this time. The host was a group doing volcano remote sensing (I know only this one group in the world, that specializes in that). The topic was about what I’m good at and I had very good collaborations. I had support from the host and from the grant support team of the university. And it took me to the interview round. The fellowship was submitted as technology-led (this is a category at NERC). But it was finally rejected because it was too method driven.

            Why did I do this? I liked volcano remote sensing, but wanted to progress and move away from Manchester, back to „Europe“ (like France or Germany). I liked the people I worked with, the easy-going atmosphere, going on field trips together, meeting at conferences, and going out. Many of my colleagues became my friends. I also liked the flexible, but fulfilling way of working. But to be honest, this flexibility made me happily work long hours and during weekends. Actually, I was working all the time, because I had to get this new lidar working. It was my baby. There was no one else who could have helped me. In academia, you tend to work for yourself and your papers, at least as a post-doc. It is maybe a bit like a painter that dreams of his paintings being at the New York Museum of Modern Arts. So it feels amazing when an article you have put a lot of sweat into finally gets accepted!

            But I also had a private life, at least I tried. A few years later, I was not alone anymore and we had not just one, but two little children. That meant I could not go to the lab on a Saturday anymore or work on a paper on a Sunday afternoon. After yet another unsuccessful grant application I furiously applied for jobs in the industry, most of which were outside the UK. We were not keen to stay in Manchester. Not with kids, at least. In 2019, I was headhunted by a small British high-tech company in the picturesque English countryside. I always had an entrepreneurial side in me. At that time, becoming an entrepreneur was at least as desirable as becoming a professor (and which professor does not secretly dream about starting a company?). It intrigued me what they did in that company. It was like a mission. I smelled opportunity. They had developed lidar, not too different from those I had built, to a commercial product. I wanted to be part of this start-up from a UK government lab. Half of the work was very similar to what I did in academia: Developing tech to measure geophysical parameters. And this is exactly what I enjoyed the most! The company develops and builds wind lidar systems used to measure the wind, which is now increasingly being used for wind resource assessment, helping to decarbonize our energy generation, and fighting climate change. Plus, they left me some room to try out completely new things. I said to myself, I will try this and was ok with staying in the UK for a bit longer.

            So in early 2019, I left the academic way of working, where I was writing papers for a living. The company fosters a creative R&D environment, which I have learned to appreciate. Most of the jobs in the industry don’t give you much room for blue-sky research as in academia. This is why this company is special. This job helped me to figure that out and it would teach me a lot of valuable things for my future career, which I increasingly saw outside of the UK. For example, I definitively did not want to become an entrepreneur anymore. Having seen how most engineers actually work, working as a true engineer was also not an option anymore.

            In the company, it was not about writing one paper/grant application after another, but it was about achieving something as a team, earning money, and saving the planet by making a concrete contribution. But as with everything, it is a compromise. It was a cultural shock at first. Whereas at the university I had the impression to work on a lonely post and being surrounded by people, who do not understand or are interested in what I work on, now I was in a team, where one needed one another and interacted a lot. I liked that. However, I was now surrounded by people, most of which had no knowledge or interest in Earth science. The primary goal of the work was not to study nature and do fundamental research but to create and sell products. But I had no regrets. It felt like a good choice. The most important and valuable thing I figured out for myself was that as long as I can work creatively and as a scientist, I am largely happy and it does not matter that much if I work at a public research body or in an industry organization. The feeling when something is finally working or when data reveals something interesting is the same. And so is the way of working. Only the objectives differ. The fact that the job had an open contract did not matter to me though. What really attracted me was the possibility that performance would be rewarded.

Since the births of the kids, I had an increasing desire to finally arrive somewhere. At some point, I stopped putting pictures on the wall and buying furniture, because what’s the point if you are likely to move again in 2 years or so. This is not very nice if you have two little children and need to stow a lot of stuff somewhere. Before I had kids I did not mind vagabonding around. It depends also if you can connect to the country, foremost the culture you live in. In our case, it was a clear NO. Living in a country that you do not have a connection with does not make you want to arrive there. It is a feeling of living on a space station while life goes on without you on Earth. You see your family and friends in your home country mostly on a screen. The Covid-19 pandemic had increased that feeling. I wanted my children to grow up similar to the way I did. When the kids turned four, the sh*t finally hit the fan, the volcano erupted and I realized that life is short, and damn it passes quicker and quicker, especially with children! I figured that my priorities had shifted. The place where I live became at least as important as what I do for a living. There are other things in life than following a glamorous career path. What is glamorous is mostly defined in your head. It is an illusion. I am neither an actor nor part of a royal family. I wanted my children to see their relatives in real life rather than on a screen. I missed family visits, birthdays, and the network of family and friends. I realized that there is no „someday“. I had to leave the UK as soon as possible and go back to my home country Germany and ideally, no more than an hour driving distance to where I come from. This is in stark contrast to my younger me that could not move far enough from home. I did not want my kids to become strangers to their origins and family and not least the language of their parents. I figured I may be a migrant bird and ex-pat, but not an emigrant, at least not to the United Kingdom.

Looking for jobs in Germany now 4 years after the first wave of applications in 2018 was a completely different game than 4 years earlier. I had grown tremendously, thanks to the experience in the company. My writing had improved because I finally understood my own career path and strengths and hence could sell myself better. This made applying for jobs more efficient. So I looked and applied for jobs, most of which I actually knew I want to do. The priorities included: being close to home, good salary, being close to Earth science, and work as a scientist.

That means I started to reconsider the previously despised post-doc position, albeit I knew in Germany, unlike in the UK, basically all of these positions are fixed term, a few years, although chances are they are extended if you apply for funding (that sounds familiar), although there are upper limits depending on the institution. I thought there must be Earth science jobs in academia where you can stay forever, do decent research, and publish, because I knew post-docs that somehow managed to stay „forever“, mostly at universities. They are the so-called “Mittelbau”, or eternal post-doc, research associate, etc., but that depends on the availability of funds and these jobs are rare in Germany. After the struggle of writing unsuccessful grants, I now could imagine myself as one of those researchers, not striving to be the best (anymore), but just doing decent research and writing papers. A romantic picture maybe. In France or Italy, they have a few positions like that and regular selection processes.

Whilst being in Germany for a job interview with a company, I managed to meet a scientist at the Max Planck Institute (MPI) in the same town, who said he would like to work with me and was looking for a post-doc. But funding would only start in the next year. Too late for me. But then he pointed out that his department had three open positions for research group leaders. The deadline was just about to pass. He encouraged me to apply and would speak to his boss, the head of the department. For a short time, I thought I was in a dream. What I have tried for years without success, now actually seemed within reach. It just felt unreal. I quickly produced a very strong application. Four days after my application, I was offered an interim contract that would bridge the time to the aforementioned post-doc. The post-doc contract would be limited to 3 years, but likely to be renewed at least once, as it was a relatively long government-funded project. I was obviously not considered a research group leader at the MPI. Not at all what I had hoped. Post-doc just did not sound attractive to me. However, the topic I was supposed to work on was strongly related to one of my desperate, unsuccessful research proposals from 2017! And the salary was very good. Ok, I thought, I would be a post-doc, not a research group leader, and would work on someone else’s project, but who cares! It was the Max-Planck institute. The illustrious name alone was convincing enough (which brings me to my point about the illusion above). I still felt honored to be offered this contract. Although, an interim contract is not too much of a commitment. I could do (Earth) science again! To be fair, the main goal of the project was not so much fundamental research but producing a sort of greenhouse gas forecast system, in particular, finding ways to use data from measurement networks to resolve greenhouse gas sources and sinks. I saw it as a ticket into the MPI. And perhaps I would manage to stay there and then later become a group leader. So I had to say yes!

Wait a minute! Let’s be realistic.

The research proposal I wrote in 2017, which was so similar to this topic, was indeed interesting for me, but realistically, it is one of the obvious “holy grails” of Earth system science and quite far from my competence zone back then and now. On the one hand, I have worked in atmospheric remote sensing and with lasers for over ten years and I knew the community, so I could bring quite a bit to the table at the MPI. On the other hand, the project would heavily involve data assimilation and modeling, which I only superficially touched on. I am not really an atmospheric physicist or chemist, just a guy that quickly learns what he has to learn. So steep learning curve ahead.

            And what would come after the second extension? Chances were high, I would have to apply for some other job in that region if I wanted to stay there. This uncertainty would not have been a problem. But during the years of unsuccessful grant writing, I had made the painful experience that just being very good and chucking out papers like crazy is often not enough to get tenured or an open contract in academia! It depends a lot on the people around you and especially how much support you get. Ok, this would be Max Planck and the people seemed very nice. There are opportunities. Due to the other research institutes involved in the project, I would be meeting potential new places to work. I could apply to become a group leader. At Max Planck institutes, group leader positions are fixed to 5 years and can be extended by another 4 years maximum (in two-year steps). Some of them are tenured – A slight chance, depending on a lot of unknowns. This is not really in line with the desire to arrive somewhere, buy a house, have chickens, etc..

A position at the Max-Planck institute is meant to be a “springboard for an (international) career”. This does not quite spark the cozy eternal post-doc feeling! And this kind of contradicted my desire to settle down somewhere, or at least arrive somewhere, just do good research, write papers, and be left in peace. All this would still have not put me off, as I like risk. I see it as potential.  

In my geographic search area, I had a few other almost-offers. One of them was developing spectroscopy techniques for microbes (academia) at a Leibnitz Institute just across the street from the MPI. Unlike at the MPI, they suggested that I would have a good chance to stay there! They really wanted me (or anyone?). Sometimes it is good to be mistrusting. There are people who tell you anything you want to hear, just to get you hooked. But the area of research seemed too far from my CV and my aspirations.

The other potential jobs included a geophysical survey company and working on gravity measurements for a German federal authority. The locations of the last two jobs, both in the same city, did not fit anymore. not that attractive, although the gravity job as such did sound very interesting. So the winner was the post-doc at the MPI.

But then things went different. I got an offer for a job I had applied for before the MPI. I call it the second job offer. This second offer was an open contract for a geophysicist, developing borehole tools for mineral exploration in an environmental service company. It seemed like it would allow me to live very close (but not too close…) to the area of my family and origin, be a scientist and work in an Earth science-related field, including fieldwork! Ironically, many jobs in Earth science do not involve fieldwork. Some may like that, and some won’t.

As for the second job, although I am a geophysicist by training, I would have to learn a lot too, including what I need to know about nuclear physics. Having worked for almost seven years in a volcanology group thought me some basic knowledge of petrology and geology. Although good, the starting salary was significantly lower than at the MPI. Many people in academia think you automatically earn more in industry, but it depends. Public service in Germany pays well, as a function of your years of experience, unless you work at a university and get a half-time contract but work full hours. On the other hand, although nobody promises anything, the earning opportunities in the industry are limitless, unlike in public service. I deemed the possibility of eventually earning more than at the MPI to be higher than settling down at the MPI. With plans for house buying, and global crises unfolding, money was an important factor.

Then there were many other factors. Banks for instance. Banks are more likely to give you a mortgage and a mortgage with good conditions if you have an open-ended contract and if they know you not just for a year. The bank in my hometown knows me since I was a child. This fact is not to underestimate if buying a house is one if not the top priority.

Guess what I chose! I chose the second position. Because of my priorities, I had to, despite having had large regrets to have turned down the Max Planck offer! It was such a lucky coincidence. It seemed spot on compared with all the other jobs I applied for. But the second job was certainly not less spot on and a lucky coincidence! After having lived 14 years abroad I wanted to try out this new life, living really close to my home.

Would I miss publishing? It depends. There are phases when I burn for it, such as when I measured something really exciting in the wind lidar company. But the longer I worked there, the more I saw it as a distraction and it kind of became boring, which may be because most of the interesting things I did I could not publish, because they were confidential. I started publishing audiobooks! Papers give you citations, and audiobooks make you some pocket money and are also fun to do.

So far, I have not regretted diversions. On the contrary! They have broadened my horizon and made me more valuable to employers. If you have a proven track record that you can do anything you are interested in, at some point employers do notice that, both in academia and industry. It is useful to have an underlying theme. In my case, I like to build instruments and use them to measure Earth. The more complex a CV, the longer it may take to actually see it. It took me years. But a complex CV can tremendously extend your opportunities! In my case, it allowed me to move to close to my home region in Germany, from which I thought I could never go back in my professional life, due to my high specialization.

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